What does a DV victim look like????

Too composed to be believed that’s the position I am now in.

The stigma around DV and all the various forms it comes in is something I never thought I would suffer from to be honest. I feel I fit the mould quite well 3 kids 2 dads and I was a single parent on benefits for a portion of my existence. All I needed was a substance abuse issue and I think I would have filled the mould of what people expect from a DV victim quite well.

Imagine being 36 years old and to be called a professional player of the system and to have in black and white how I can’t put my issues with my perp behind me to enable me to co parent properly. This man has abused me for almost a decade now I have been dragged around by my hair by this man and have a knee that barely works because of him, yet I am at fault.

I have mulled over the Cafcass report for a few weeks now and whilst I am grateful that it states he needs to address how he is perceived by people and to work on his aggression it still negates all my need for protection and to keep him at arm’s length or further if the stupid system would allow it.

I have tried my hardest to read the report with an open mind and yes, he hasn’t said anything I do not already know. We do not co parent because this is an impossible task. We have been recommended to attend the SPIP programme again so that will end up being my 2^nd time in 3 years he didn’t even bother going the first time so I seriously doubt he will attend this time.

The thing that has hurt the most about the report is the schools’ position. We have been referred to as a professional players a damning wording from a head that I out my trust in before the school even started, I had a meeting before we even moved to the school to set out the protection I needed for my older child and the issues I have had in the past with my perp and how I need the school support in helping my children. I have been an open reasonable and polite person and I have been embarrassingly honest and fully aired my laundry. Albeit without tears and using big girl words that have taken me years of CBT therapy to learn and apply to my life. Now I feel because I am not the above-mentioned stereo type I am now too composed and have too many big girl words to ever ben taken seriously regarding my abuse.

Why do the school systems not have in place effective domestic abuse training so that when a parent reaches out, they support and help? What they have done now for my family is closed an avenue of support and what I would have classed as safety for my children. How dangerous is that! How many other families and abuse victims have felt abandoned by the school system because they all lack the basic knowledge and understanding to realise, they must support these families. My perp has almost had the police called on him at this school due to his level of aggression towards a year 2 teacher, I mean surely that shows I am not a professional player in any way shape or form.

I mean it feels weird because I reached a place that I was unashamed of telling the real harsh god awful truth about  my relationship with my ex and now I feel like what good would it do any way. The best part about the Cafcass order is that fact it was recognised that my son going every weekend is too imbalanced and we now get every other weekend so I have to look to the small silver linings and we will get further when we are back in court for the 3rd time.